What a fucking waste of an outfit
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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