Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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