so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
