The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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