the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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