i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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