Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We need to get me chipped asap
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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