so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize