i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
