If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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