The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
