You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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