I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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