My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
