I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
