Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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