We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
