I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
