I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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