we're blogging at a bar
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
