Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
