Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
