If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
