How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize