I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
