Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
