you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
