Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
