At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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