I'm so fucking centered right now
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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