I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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