Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Man, jail baloney is awful.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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