whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
