did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
