I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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