Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Life is so much better after having sex.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
