It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
