When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
ttyl tear gas
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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