She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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