apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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