Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
