I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
