FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
