Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
