If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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