Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
