remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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