she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
