i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
