whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
