I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Is Oprah even human
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
