Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
