Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
