Don't you send me to vm
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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