I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
