please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
There r osticjed everywhere
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
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