I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
