Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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