I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
