No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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