so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
