Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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