dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
