u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
