i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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