you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
