You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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