you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize