i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
