Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
