We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
