I think i peed on brittanys purse
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
