grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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