its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
