There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
