i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Randomize
