omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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