Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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