More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
