I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
