why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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