Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
