sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Randomize
