Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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