His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize