my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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