just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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