Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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