The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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