hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
