I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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