There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
