please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
