we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
