My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
